Your Reactivity is YOUR Problem… not theirs.

Let’s kick the door open with a truth that might piss some people off:
Your reactivity is YOUR problem, not theirs.

Before we dive in, let’s get crystal clear on something most people get twisted:
Responding and reacting are not the same thing.

Responding is calm. Grounded. Well functioning prefrontal-cortex energy. Reacting is something different. It’s your lizard brain hijacking the steering wheel of your life while your logical brain takes a smoke break in the alley. And that, my friend, is nobody else’s issue to deal with. It’s YOUR problem to fix.

Let’s break this down…

🧠 The Science-y Stuff (but make it easy + useful)

When something or someone triggers you (your partner’s tone, the guy driving like an asshat on the highway, your coworker’s snarky slack message, the latest unhinged political headline), your amygdala (the tiny almond-shaped drama queen in your brain) jumps up and yells:

“Nope. We’re gonna shut this sh*t down right now. It’s time to RUN! …or FIGHT!  …or FREEZE!”

It’s your ancient survival system. Your built-in alarm. Your internal Dwight Schrute screaming “WEAPONIZED SURVIVAL MODE!”

Here’s the tricky part: your amygdala isn’t the enemy. It is there to to protect you. We love her. We appreciate her. We honor her service.

But… she can be a little overzealous and very trigger happy. She can’t tell the difference between “I’m being chased by a starving rabid wild animal” and “that jerk just cut me off on the interstate”.

So she pulls the fire alarm – loudly – even when there’s no actual emergency.

And here’s the kicker:
When the amygdala flips that switch, your prefrontal cortex goes offline. Like poof. Lights out.
Right there behind your forehead – your thinking brain, your filter, your emotional regulation center, your ability to be reasonable… BYEEE.

Which is super handy if you’re actually in danger.
But if you’re just upset?
Triggered?
Annoyed?
Embarrassed?
Feeling misunderstood?
Trying to navigate a conversation like an actual adult?

Yeah… that’s when reactivity unnecessarily blows everything through the roof.

🫣 So Why Does This Matter?

When your prefrontal cortex goes offline, you lose access to:

• Emotional regulation
• Logic
• Nuanced thinking
• Relational awareness
• Empathy
• Your ability to refrain from saying or doing the thing you’ll regret later

With your prefrontal cortex offline, your amygdala pulls the fire alarm making your adrenaline and cortisol pump through your body, your muscles tense, your heart rate spike, and your ability to respond like a sane person drain down the toilet. 

This is why you snap.
Shut down.
Get defensive.
Overreact.
Catastrophize.
Say something you wish you hadn’t.
Or mentally run a full triathlon of “what if’s” in the span of 14 seconds.

Friend… this isn’t because you’re broken.
It’s because you’re human. This is your nervous system doing exactly what it’s supposed to do in the face of danger. Except it is mistaking dozens of innocuous triggers as threatening, which means you (as a grown ass adult) have not yet learned the skills of cognitive, emotional, and nervous system regulation.

In that case, you need to hear this (and I say it out of love)… your humanity doesn’t excuse responsibility.

Your reactivity is still YOURS to regulate.
Not theirs to tiptoe around.

The person who triggered you? They are not responsible for your explosion, shutdown, spiral, or meltdown.

They may have lit the match, but you are supplying the fireworks.

Unless you are actually in danger (aka a real or perceived risk to life or safety) it is your responsibility to calm your mind, emotions, and nervous system before you respond. If you want healthier interactions and to level up your trustworthiness and respectability, you can’t outsource psychological regulation.

🎯 The Bottom Line

Life will hand you a bazillion reasons to react.
People will trigger you.
Comments will offend you.
Moments will knock the wind out of you.

But your reactivity? That’s your issue to wrestle with.
Your responsibility.
Your opportunity.
Your power.

Perhaps its time to learn how to chill out a little bit when something hits a raw nerve?

Don’t worry, you’re not alone. 

Ask me how I know. 😉

• Join my email list for psychological wellness insights and practical tools for cognitive, emotional, and nervous system regulation. I’ll send you the first 3 chapters of More YourSELF for FREE when you sign up!
• Submit a coaching inquiry on the Contact Page at SaraJeanWaters.com to work with me 1:1.
• Book me to facilitate a group workshop for your department or executive leadership team. It’s one of the most effective ways to embed this framework across an entire organization. My speaking and workshop facilitation inquiry form is also on my Contact page.